Economics Explained for Children!

THE DUFFERS GUIDE TO ECONOMIC MODELS EXPLAINED WITH COWS

 

 SOCIALISM

 You have 2 cows.

 You give one to your neighbour.

 

 COMMUNISM

 You have 2 cows.

 The State takes both and gives you some

milk.

 

 FASCISM

 You have 2 cows.

 The State takes both and sells you some milk.

 

 NAZISM

 You have 2 cows.

 The State takes both and shoots

you.

 

 BUREAUCRATISM

 You have 2 cows.

 The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then

throws the milk away.

 

 TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

 You have two cows.

 You sell one and buy a bull.

 Your herd multiplies, and

the economy grows.

 You sell them and retire on the

income.

 

 SURREALISM

 You have two giraffes.

 The government requires you to take harmonica

lessons

 

 AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

 You have two cows.

 You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four

cows.

 Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped

dead.

 

 CitiGroup VENTURE CAPITALISM

 You have two cows.

 You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters

of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute

a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all

four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of

the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island

Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights

to all seven

cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company

owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a

new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No

balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

 

 A FRENCH CORPORATION

 You have two cows.

 You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because

you want three cows.

 

 A JAPANESE CORPORATION

 You have two cows.

 You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an

ordinary cow and produce twenty 

 times the milk. You then create a

clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it

worldwide.

 

 A GERMAN CORPORATION

 You have two cows.

 You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a

month, and milk themselves.

 

 AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

 You have two cows, but you don't know where they

are.

 You decide to have lunch.

 

 A SWISS CORPORATION

 You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to

you.

 You charge the owners for storing them.

 

 A CHINESE CORPORATION

 You have two cows.

 You have 300 people milking them.

 You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine

productivity.

 You arrest the newsman who reported the real

situation.

 

 AN INDIAN CORPORATION

 You have two cows.

 You worship them.

 

 A BRITISH CORPORATION

 You have two cows.

 Both are mad.

 

A FRENCH CORPORATION

 You had two cows

But you only get to milk one per day as you knock off at lunch time.

Later you find you lost the other cow as you surrendered them to a passing army.

Now you’re not bothered as your drinking wine and it is half passed 3 in the afternoon.

 AN IRAQI CORPORATION

 Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

 You tell them that you have none.

 No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy..

 

 AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

 You have two cows.

 Business seems pretty good.

 You close the office and go for a few beers to

celebrate.

 

 A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

 You have two cows.

 The one on the left looks very attractive.

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