Friday, March 19, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Umm! Yes Dragons my business idea is called Sandy Minge! No Maybe I have something better!
Yes, picture this a line of “Dragons” from “Dragons Den” in front of you and you have an idea that you want to pitch.
Yes Dragons I have a proposition I need £2.5M to build a forest park in the New Forest, you follow this with the rest of the pitch, all the Dragons shuffle in their chairs with interest as they spot a possible money maker.
Then you hit them with the video of the place to seal the deal!
Umm! Cut to exit and speaking to the presenter why you think you “snatched defeat from the jaws of triumph” and go home empty handed.
Fancy staying http://www.sandy-balls.co.uk talk about a viral name, this place has had amazing references and hits from all over the web!
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Valentine's Day Gifts, which one?
What's less romantic: Buying something practical or buying something that will die after a few days?
Roses are right, and gadgets can be blue if you insist, but you may still be sleeping alone at the end of the day!
The first thing is I am a Mans- Man. So I'm going to speak to my fellow men here (you winging women who complain about getting a Hoover or dishwasher can head back to the kitchen for a minute and make me a cup of tea!).
So what to get he for Valentines, it is us Men who need most help buying a Valentine’s Day gift in the first place.
So first of all consider the fundamental operating parameters of in heterosexual, the other party is more like you and NOT like you, basically they are just like you only prettier!
So with that under my belt I am all sorted, she will be getting a case of Newcastle Brown, a Scalextric and an Indian, the card I will make by hand on old card because it was too late to go to the shops (on the morning of the 14th)
If you are a man but gay then it is easier as you are buying for the same gender, but think what would they like to get themselves.
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
5 Golden Rules of managing personnel issues
First and foremost the organisation when considering applying any disciplinary procedure must first consider the 5 indicators of fairness of the proposed actions of punishment which each
Consideration must be passed for any employment decision to survive scrutiny of both internal and external assessment.*
· Counseling – Obviously except in the most serious of cases, was the employee both told of a deficiency and given a reasonable chance to correct it?
· Consistency - Are similar disciplinary problems handled similarly and to the same degree?
· Appearance - Do our actions appear to be fair actions when viewed by an outside observer? Do you see the wood despite the trees?
· Rationale – Has the employee been provided with a reason for the decision leading to the punishment and was it the real reason they are being punished?
· Evidence - Can you point to a performance review, written warning, a note in a personnel file, a CCTV camera, or some other evidence (internal or external) that supports allegation? You generally need at least 3 different pieces of independent evidence to establish a fact in court.
Finally after having read a lot of employment tribunal cases the final test is what I call the “self test” are you really being fair? Have you treated the employee as you would want to treated (or as you would want your wife, kids, friends, parents, etc. to be treated), if some past employers had considered this one thing then fewer tribunal cases in number would have fallen in favour of the employee.
Most tribunals are consisted of people like you and me and if tribunal members feel that the plaintiff was treated the same way the they would want to be treated, the tribunal members will be much less likely to find in the employee's favour.
*Internal assessment being work colleagues and collective moral and external the industrial tribunal and public opinion.
So applying the above to the situation of the Environmental Audit the organization must act to apply the consistency rule.
Kids Viewpoint on growing up!
A small boy’s mother told him the key to life was happiness.
When the little fella was at school, his teacher asked him to write down what he wanted to be when he grew up.
He wrote one word “happy!”
The teacher said he didn't obviously didn’t understand the question.
He said the teacher didn't understand life!"
Monday, November 30, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
5 Great Lesson For Life Do Read!
| LIFE LESSONS:Lesson 1:A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you £800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?'Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.Lesson 2:A priest offered a Nun a lift..She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'Moral of the story:If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity..Lesson 3:A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone. 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone. 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'Moral of the story:Always let your boss have the first say.Lesson 4An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.Moral of the story:To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.Lesson 5A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.Morals of the story:(1) Not everyone who s***s on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of s*** is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep s***, it's best to keep your mouth shut! |
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Computer trouble! Was ID TEN T ERROR!
In the end he called on his 14 year neighbour called Mathew, whose bedroom aparently looks like Mission Control, so he asked him to pop around and fix it. Mathew clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem in 5 minutes.
As he was walking away, my mate called after him, 'So, what was wrong? Mathew replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
My mate said "oh! That error again, I'll have to remeber the fix for that one!"
"Yes! You will!" replied Mathew. My mate didn't want to appear stupid, so he accepted the error report knowing he could ask me later.
So he rings me and says what's an, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.' Any way I say to him not a problem got a pen and paper as you don't want to forget the fix i am going to give you. Said friend hurries of for pen and paper then returns. "OK! write it down and I think you'll figure it out.' About a minute later I hear him swear! He must have figured it out answer below! ............................................................ I D 1 0 T
Untitled
| ITV has announced that Katie Price will become the first person ever to appear in I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here twice and all over the country the sound of no one giving a sh1t has broken out. Another reason not to watch telly. |
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Scary story
| A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears:BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.FASTER...FASTER..BUMP...BUMP...BUMP......He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP....clappity-BUMP...on his heels, as the terrified man runs.Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.Bumping and clapping toward him.The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...and, The coffin stops |
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
The Misic Industry; An Industry in the Dark?
Could not be said clearer if I tried.
Monday, September 28, 2009
I was thinking of starting up a small zoo
I was thinking of starting up a small zoo, so I wrote a letter to London Zoo;
"Dear Sir, I'm starting up a zoo, please send me 2 mongooses." I thought that didn't sound right so I tried again; "Dear Sir, I'm starting up a small zoo, please send me 2 mongeese." Nope, that still didn't sound right; "Dear Sir, I'm starting up a small zoo, please send me 2 mongi." Ahh sod it I thought, "Dear Sir, I'm starting up a small zoo, please send me a mongoose. P.S. Send me another one."Government Grants Fiddle
I have just had a very surreal experience regarding an existing government grant for energy saving bulbs.
Last Thursday
Met a person last Thursday (let’s call her Tracy) week purporting to be from our regional development agency, in the end Tracy was selling LED and CFL bulbs on behalf of other suppliers.
When I visit her website it says she is a PR person, but website is still under construction.
In effect Tracy was heavily pushing for us to apply for an interest free capital grant from the government to purchase light bulbs!???
Which is a bit strange for me to absorb from two points:
1. Would you get a loan that lasts 5 years to buy an consumable product that only lasts 1 year? (This is a bit like increasing your mortgage to buy a flash car, then pay it off over 25 years, when the car depreciates in value and only lasts a max of 12 years)
2. Why is there a grant for something that is common sense and economically viable without a grant?
Anyway I listened intently to Tracy to find out more and the price of the bulbs well, let’s just say I can get the bulbs cheaper at Tesco let alone importing from China.
At the end of the meeting I summarised and concluded with Tracy that we were better of continuing getting bulbs direct, Tracy finished by saying it is unusual to meet an informed person with regard to bulbs costs.
So cut to Today.
So cutting to the “fiddly bit” so anyway I can buy these bulbs direct from the manufacturer in China at a fair rate which means they pay for themselves in under a year and last for around 3 years consuming 5% of their incandescent equivalent.
Cut to surreal phone call I had, from the approved supplier, who as it turns out is a 10% broker for a number of approved suppliers.
Tracy: “OK I know you are buying these bulbs at a very good rate direct from China. How about we fill out the grant forms and we put our margin over the bulbs you bought from China and we pretend you bought them of us. That way you get you grant and we get our commission.”
David: “But we haven’t bought them from you”
Tracy: “Nothing to worry about we can sort that side out for you”
David: “But isn’t that unethical”
Tracy: “No because you are getting what you want”
David: “????????????????????????”
What is this country coming too? When you can have grants for things that do not need grants!
What do you think? Have you seen similar total nonsense and cheating on the tax payer? (apart from MP’s expenses)
Friday, September 25, 2009
sharing a little water with koalas
Cyclist shares water with a Koalas, is has been very hot and dry in Australia this week.
Monday, September 14, 2009
It is with sad news that I report that H from Steps has passed away!
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